Right Mr.Wrong

I am very grateful to the God for not making me a young woman, because all young women go through a very difficult problem in life. How do they select a right man as their companion? If I were a young woman, I would have found it extremely difficult to choose such a person. As the image above says, most of the women today settle with the rightest person from the whole lot of Mr.Wrongs. "He is not good, but he is the best, what to do" etc.

But, I may also be wrong. What do I know about today's young women? Nothing. In my good old days, all the young women wanted from their man was to be good! As long as they don't drink and have decent income and can take care of the family (which means just hanging around the house), the women are fine with their man.

But, I am afraid, the expectations of today's young woman are quite high. On the one hand, they want their men to share responsibility in the kitchen (preposterous!) and in raising kids (dangerous!!). On the other hand, I also learnt recently that most of the young women studying in colleges want their men to work somewhere in North America or Australia (even after racial attacks?). They also want their men to be independent (read Live as far away as possible from his parents). I would not have believed such notions, but I talked to a girl who mentioned that almost all their classmates shared her view and this is the most popular choice. And, she was from a Grade-B town only, and not from any metro, mind you!

With these expectations, all they have to settle for is a right Mr.Wrong that is all. "He is working only in Kenya, but what to do, that is as far away as we can go!" or "He is in West Coast. All my friends are in the East Coast, what to do; I will somehow adjust..." etc.

New Look for Musings

Chose a new look for Musings. Hope all of you like it. Hoping to keep it changing once in a while. Just to confuse you all.

Argentina will win world cup!

World cup fever is every where. Got this information from one of the IRMA classmates, with an advice to quit stressing over the winner of the FIFA World Cup! Read it!

A Zulu sangoma, after a night of dreams and consultations with the ancestors, looks into the future to see the winner of the 2010 World Cup.
The 70-year-old fortune teller, a cheerful lady called Constance, plays a critical role in Zulu culture, blessed with special powers to heal and divine the future. But she was mighty hard to find.

A two-day search aided by street sellers and shop owners in the southern city of Port Elizabeth had produced nothing but a series of false dawns.

It appeared one needed a sangoma to find a sangoma.

Then a toothless lady of indeterminate age kneading dough on a pavement beside a taxi rank suggested trying a muthi herbal specialist off Govan Mbeki Road. The shop, an Aladdin's cave of pills and potions and ointments, had a high counter behind which were two people. One, a man, had his face painted in tribal warpaint. The other, a woman, was Constance.

"You've made it," she smiled, as if she had been expecting the visit all the time.

After negotiating her fee, Constance opened a door into a storeroom packed with sacks of dried roots and animal hides hanging from a makeshift washing line. Through a curtain at the back was her "office" -- with a frayed floral couch, more bags of herbs and plant extracts, and shelves crammed with somewhat incongruous tins of Jeyes Fluid household cleaner.

"I use all this to make my medicines," she said, easing her generous frame into a chair beside, which was a small table with incense and a yellow candle. "When someone comes to me and wants me to help them with trouble in their life or look into the future, I get them to light this candle. That way I can see through them, I can see what the problem is," she explained.

"I help cure people who are mad or who have AIDS using 'muthi'."

Constance has been a sangoma for 12 years. "My father and my sister were sangomas, and when they died they came to me in a dream and told me 'you have to be a sangoma now'," she said.

"I didn't want to, but they made me ill. They hit me with sticks, I couldn't walk. They sent me into the sea for seven days to sleep. When I woke up I accepted to become a sangoma. I went away to train for one year. Then my ancestors came back to me and said 'you can finish the training now, you are a sangoma'. I then slaughtered five goats and one cow."

Asked about the World Cup, Constance shuts her eyes, as if asleep, in meditation, then opens them sharply. "All the teams here are strong, but I have to consult my ancestors, I have to ask them what they think, and they will tell me in my dream tonight. Come back tomorrow, and I will have your answer."


The next day, Constance is again waiting behind the counter, with the answer not to eternity but almost as important.

"Argentina will win the World Cup."

Let us see if this Sangoma was right...

Man and Wife

Men are too selfish. And insensitive too, I am told. For all the love and affection poured on them by their (respective) wives, see how they reciprocate that. They dare not say such things to their wives in their faces, I am sure.

This is how all their woes seem to have started ...

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.'

The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'

Nor do they say some kind words even after their wives are gone.

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance...

The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.'

But, some men seem to have got spirituality from their wives.

'My wife got me to believe in religion.'

'Really?'

'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'

But, the most atrocious thing is that they even think that everyone else thinks like them!!

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'

'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'

Do you agree that these men are quite representative of all the other males in the world?

Asking for Directions

While growing up as a child, I did not know about this peculiar trait of men - Not asking for directions! We did not have any cars in the world. There were only ambassador cars and they were all owned by Government officials. Otherwise only super rich people had cars. What went on in their world is beyong our reach.

But, now that every house seems to be having a car, this handicap of men is becoming all too obvious. While women are accused of 'back seat driving' and 'instructing the husband to drive this way or that', men seem to have a pathological aversion to admit that they are lost.


Is it ego or we don't want to admit our deficiencies in front of the wife and kids? Whatever it is, poor souls normally end up having a fit when finally you land up in alaska or somewhere, when you actually intended to go to the other end of Bangalore. I don't know how to drive a vehicle; and I don't think in this incarnation, I am going to learn it. But, I don't have this hang up of not asking directions - in spite of being a male species.

As a young man, while doing project work in unknown big places, I used to love the challenge of reaching any place just with an address. Travelling hundreds of kilometres by bus-hopping and finally ending up in the required office at Mumbai once and then, giving a surprise darshan to Gouthami and Rema in Kadapa and Madanapalli respectively, yes, reaching Rema's house in Alleppey for her wedding... all with just a piece of paper with the postal address - asking numerous people in my broken Hindi, Telugu and Malayalam as the case may be ... those adventures and successes still are fresh in my mind.

Does the feathered world also has this gender disparity? One of the amazing things about nature is birds flying thousands of kilometres (non-stop, mind it!) and reaching the exact tree in which they stayed the previous year. The one in the cartoon below may be a male pigeon, may be...

Elephants and many other animals too are known to migrate over long distances. I am sure there will be lot of acrimonious exchanges between the wife-elephant and the husband-elephant about taking the wrong turns, not asking the passing deer about the correct location or 'doesn't this dry bush look familiar?' or ' last time, when I came, there was a purple tree in this corner. It seems to have been eaten up by the jungle goat' or some such thing. And, finally, the wife-elephant dejectedly telling the son-elephant and daughter-elephant, "this is why I never come with your father; if we had listened to my mother's directions, we would have reached home long ago, finished dinner and gone off to sleep by now!"

I wonder who is asking direction in the photograph above? The driver or the bear?

Teacher vs Guru

Even though we use these two words 'Teacher' and 'Guru' almost synonymously, there seems to be a lot of differences. Krishna forwarded this interesting information thorugh an email.

A teacher takes responsibility for your growth;

A Guru makes you responsible for your growth.

A teacher gives you things you do not have and require;

A Guru takes away things you have and do not require.

A teacher answers your questions;

A Guru questions your answers.

A teacher helps you get out of the maze;

A Guru destroys the maze.

A teacher requires obedience and discipline from the pupil;

A Guru requires trust and humility from the pupil.

A teacher clothes you and prepares you for the outer journey;

A Guru strips you naked and prepares you for the inner journey.

A teacher is a guide on the path;

A Guru is a pointer to the way.

A teacher sends you on the road to success;

A Guru sends on the road to freedom.

A teacher explains the world and its nature to you;

A Guru explains yourself and your nature to you.

A teacher makes you understand how to move about in the world;

A Guru shows you where you stand in relation to the world.

A teacher gives you knowledge and boosts your ego;

A Guru takes away your knowledge and punctures your ego.

A teacher sharpens your mind;

A Guru opens your mind.

A teacher instructs you;

A Guru constructs you.

A teacher shows you the way to prosperity;

A Guru shows the way to serenity.

A teacher reaches your mind;

A Guru touches your soul.

A teacher gives you knowledge;

A Guru makes you wise.

A teacher gives you maturity.

A Guru returns you to innocence.

A teacher is a systematic thinker;

A Guru is a lateral thinker.

A teacher will punish you with a stick;

A Guru will punish you with compassion.

A teacher is to the pupil what a father is to a son;

A Guru is what a mother is to her child.

A teacher leads you by the hand;

A Guru leads you by example.

One can always find a teacher;

But a Guru has to find and accept you.

The Weaver, the Princess and Goldman Sachs

Everyone knows that we Indians invented the zero. Without zero and the decimal number system, writing and calculating really large numbers would be very difficult. This would be awful for people in the financial industry, whose work depends on having really big salaries. Fortunately Indians came to their rescue by inventing zero.

Another thing which is crucial to the financial services industry is the concept of being too big to fail, which has been put to good use by Citigroup, Bear Stearns, and Goldman Sachs over the past few years in sucking money from American taxpayers. This beautiful concept was also invented by an Indian - Vishnu Sharma, the author of the Panchatantra, in the story of the Weaver and the Chariot Maker.

The story of the weaver and chariot maker is one of the Panchatantra stories that usually doesn't make it to primary school textbooks or Amar Chitra Katha, mostly because it's full of sex, war, and moral hazard. Since you probably haven't read it, here's a quick summary.

A weaver sees a princess during a festival and falls in love with her. As a weaver, he has no chance of marrying her, so he sinks into depression. His friend, a chariot maker decides to help him out. He designs a flying chariot in the shape of Garuda, dresses the weaver up as Vishnu, and tells him to fly the chariot into the princess's room, tell her that he is Vishnu and wants to marry her Gandharva style. That is, the wedding is kept a secret from everyone except the princess and the faux-Vishnu. The princess agrees, and the weaver comes back every night to consummate the marriage.

Eventually, the maids notice that the princess is spending her days in total bliss, suspect that she's in love, and tell the King. The King asks her what's going on, and she tells him that she's married to Vishnu himself. The King is absolutely delighted, and decides that there's no point in paying tribute to the Chakravarti (Emperor), now that Vishnu himself is on the kingdom's side. The next night, he catches the weaver as he enters the princess's room and asks him to fight the Chakravarti's army, thinking that he is lord vishnu.
The weaver is horrified. Pretending to be Vishnu was fine, but taking on the role of Vishnu to face an imperial army single-handed is another thing altogether. On the other hand, if he confesses to the King that he is not actually Vishnu and had married the princess under false pretences for the past month, he will have his head chopped off. So he decides to get on to the battlefield and do the best job he can, while the King is whipping up enthusiasm in the population by telling them that Vishnu himself is going to do all the fighting.
By this time, Garuda (the real one, not the mechanical one) has tipped off Vishnu about what's going on, and warned him that if the fake Vishnu doesn't win the battle, the people of the kingdom will lose all faith in him. Vishnu doesn't want to see this happen, so on the battlefield he enters the weaver's body and annihilates the Emperor's army. The entire army. Every single soldier. After this, the weaver marries the princess, everyone goes on worshipping Vishnu, and the king becomes the new Emperor.

The moral is that you should conduct your affairs in such a way that if you fail, it will lead to someone or something even bigger or more powerful failing too. This lets you get away with anything. The weaver got away with having sex with the princess on false pretences (this is rape under Section 375 of the Indian Penal Code), pretending to be a god (awesomely enough, this too is a criminal offence under Section 508), and annihilating an entire army that was fighting a just war - after all, it was the king who broke the treaty (you could make a case for this being genocide under Article 2 of the UN Convention on the Prevention and Punishment of the Crime of Genocide).

American banks and financial institutions were very good at absorbing this lesson, and leveraged themselves up to such an extent that if they failed they would take the global economy down with them. And just as the weaver lived happily ever after with the princess, banks have lived happily ever after with taxpayer-funded bailouts.

Importance of Walking

Of late, reading a lot of stuff on walking. But, nothing inspired me more than the following text sent by Premila through email.

Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old to spend
an additional 5 months in a nursing home
at $7000 per month.

My grandpa started walking
five miles a day when he was 60.
Now he's 97 years old and we
don't know where the hell he is.
I like long walks,
especially when they are taken
by people who annoy me.

The only reason I would take up walking
is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I have to walk early in the morning,
before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

I joined a health club last year ...
spent about 400 bucks.
Haven't lost a pound.
Apparently you have to go there...

Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',
I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

I do have flabby thighs,
but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day
is so when you die, they'll say,
....'Well, she looks good doesn't she.'
If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
start with a small country.

I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years,........
..... just getting over the hill.

We all get heavier as we get older,
because there's a lot more information in our heads.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

We moved to a new (own) house!

This is to inform everyone that we have moved to our new house on 14th May, 2010.

As you can see from the images below, still little work is left, but we thought it better to shift as we got the electricity connection. Got the phone / internet connection too.
All the things have been arranged. Anu Krishna are the architects of the house. Their signature is there many details. The most important part of the house is the kitchen and so, the hall is attached to it. And, it is in the centre of the house. So, as soon as you enter the door, you will reach the kitchen!

The not so important part of the house, but where I may spend most of the time is below. It is called 'Study', I think. But, we will be watching movies here.


The entire construction was done by adivasi masons - Balu being the chief engineer, with Maran taking lot of responsibility in the second half. It was a pleasure to have them. Of course, our regulars like Carpenter Rajan, Electrician Thomas and Plumber Ismail provided the other crucial services (Just realised, we can claim religious harmony award?!) The entire logistics of managing construction was done by Durga; my brother-in-law (Kalai) and mother providing the all needed moral support with hundreds of phone calls.

This blog post is also to let you know that we will not be having any formal function or ceremony. I would not have written this in musings also, but it is important to acknowledge and thank the support of many people - apart from the ones mentioned above. So, here goes.

Financially, the biggest donor was my parents. Our big savings got finished when we completed the foundation itself! But for the generous grant of Rs.9 lakhs from my parents, we could not even dream of building this house. We did not beg, but burrowed quite a lot. Premila, Shikha-Dilip, Durga's Mother, Regi-Lalitha gave loans whenever we were stuck for money. Many others offered support and were kept as stand-by : Henri and Shyla for example. Ram-Rama gave their old stair case, Stan-Mari gave nice plants for our garden. The number of people who offered to help for shifting things is too high to list.

Thanks a lot to all of you - and a special one to Anu-Krishna. Drop in when you are passing this side. Special invitation to Anita.

Politics in UK

I followed this year's election in UK quite closely. For the last three or four years, have been reading about the politics in UK quite a lot and interests me!

The campaign and the verbal duels were quite reminiscent of Indian politics. The voters there too were equally sceptical about the integrity of the politicians. Add to that, the hung parliament and the coalition government, we have an arrangement very familiar to Indians. (For a couple of days, words like negotiations, bargains, horse-trading etc. were also circulating in the press!)

And, a few minutes ago, came to know that conservatives have formed a government with Lib Dems. And, Labour is out. Gordon Brown was a curious person and could not place him properly. Which continued till the last minute. And, the way he left. Here are some excerpts of what he said during the last few minutes as PM.


"Only those that have held the office of prime minister can understand the full weight of its responsibilities and its great capacity for good."

"I have been privileged to learn much about the very best in human nature and a fair amount too about its frailties, including my own".

"Above all, it was a privilege to serve. And yes, I loved the job not for its prestige, its titles and its ceremony – which I do not love at all."

"No, I loved the job for its potential to make this country I love fairer, more tolerant, more green, more democratic, more prosperous and more just – truly a greater Britain."

"Above all, I want to thank Sarah for her unwavering support as well as her love, and for her own service to our country"

"I thank my sons John and Fraser for the love and joy they bring to our lives. And as I leave the second most important job I could ever hold, I cherish even more the first – as a husband and father. Thank you and goodbye."

Then, The Guardian writes,

As he flew home to Fife Brown's future is cloudier.

He will resign as an MP – the modern fashion – and has sufficient international standing to get a big job, probably in tackling global poverty, the passion he acquired from the David Livingstone stories of his Presbyterian childhood. First, he must rest and come to terms with his own record. It's over.

Helpful Husbands

Some husbands are atrocious. On second thoughts, I would change it to "most husbands are atrocious". Especially when it comes to doing the errands commanded by their respective wives. (They fare better while doing the errands of other people's wives, of course. That is the reason, the word 'respective' is important!)

Normally, the wife's world goes around the family, buying things for the family ... almost all her decisions, actions revolve around the needs of the husband and children. But, husbands? Self-centered and caught up with professional / world affairs - outside the house!

Agreed, we are genetically handicapped of being men. And, we can't take initiatives. But, the least we husbands can do is to do the errands given by our respective wives. There too we fail. "Oh, that is what you meant?" or "I was caught up in a traffic" or "You don't know what tension I go through in the office" or some such thing is our only excuse, when it is pointed out - once again - that we forgot something.

Or, if we do remember to go to the shop to fetch the one thing required, we try our level best to avoid this simple responsibility. And, if we could succeed, what a joy!



I am sure, I am going to get two comments for this post :

a) Talk about yourself.
b) Why are men called 'head of the household'? At least in India.

What is Tact?

Negotiations and Bargains

If you have to point out one most important skill that is required in the modern world, it is bargaining and negotiating successfully. Not only in the work atmosphere, but generally everywhere - be it at the market while buying vegetables or at home requesting your child to get a pillow from the other room, this skill is the most important requirement to survive.

It does not stop with ordinary mortals like us. Even the Pope needs it. And, how he does!!

Here is the story.

The top marketing director of Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican.

After receiving the Papal blessing, the Nescafe official whispers, 'Your Eminence, I have some business to discuss. We at Nescafe have an offer for you. Nescafe is prepared to donate $100
million to the church. If you change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee'."

The Pope looks outraged and thunders, "That is impossible. The Prayer is the word of the Lord, It must not be changed. "

Well," says the Nescafe man somewhat chastened, "We anticipated your reluctance. For this reason, and the importance of the Lord's Prayer to all Catholics, we will increase our offer to $300 million. All we require is that you change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day
our daily bread' to Give us this day our daily coffee'."

Again, even more sternly, the Pope replies, "That, my son is impossible. For the prayer is the word of the Lord and it must not be changed."


Finally, the Nescafe director says, "Your Holiness, we at Nescafe respect your adherence to your faith, we realise that tradition is essential to your beliefs, we fully understand the importance of the word of the Lord ............. ....but we do have one final offer. Please discuss it with your cardinals. We will donate $500 million to the great Catholic church if you would only change the
Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee'. Please, please consider it."

And he leaves. The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals. "There is some Good news," he announces, "and some bad news ...... The good news is, he continues to a hushed assembly, ' that the Church will get $ 500 million."

"And what is the bad news, your Holiness?" asks a Cardinal.

"Sadly" says the Pope, " We would have to lose the Britannia Account
...... and take on with the Nestle!"

How cleverly the Pope has bargained!

Men and childbearing

Read recently somewhere what the American author, Norman Mailer had to say on this topic.

Writing books is the closest men ever come to childbearing.

As it resembled closely with my own views (Read this blog for more), started reading about all he had to say. But, most of his other quotes were quite strong in view and hence, differed from my taste. But, a couple of more of his views were quite appealing.

Once a newspaper touches a story, the facts are lost forever, even to the protagonists.

Given the current irresponsible mass journalism, which has its eyes firmly on commerce and does not pay any attention to conscience, the most monstrous creature in the world today is a mass media reporter. Trial by Media has become a normal event today and an occupational hazard for many a public figures. So, this statement was well-said!

But, the most curious of them all is the one below.

The natural role of a twentiety-century man is anxiety.

Does he mean only man or does that include woman too? Does he mean human beings are generally more anxious now than before or only men are anxious (due to women, of course)? And, if says this about 20th century people, what would be his views about the 21st century inhabitants of this world?

Open Letter to the NIOS

From 1st of April, the Indian Government has started implementing a new Act called "Right to Education Act". Sounds very progressive on paper - all kids have the right to demand education from the government. The government has to find ways to educate them - either by enrolling them in its own schools or givine money to private schools so that those schools will educate the kids.

But, it has also mandated that no child less than 14 years can study in the National Institute of Open Schooling. This is causing problems for our adivasi kids here. Here is a letter written by Ram about it to them - it brings out the other point of view. Thought many of you will be interested in this counter argument.

To,

The Chairman
National Insititute of Open Schooling
A-24-25, Institutional Area,
NH – 24, Sector 62
NOIDA 201309

Sub: Enrolment of Learners as per Right of Children to Free and Compulsory Education Act

Ref: Your letter NIOS/Acad/OBE/RTE/10/ Dated 14.01.10

Dear Sir,

We are in receipt of your letter mentioned above and note the contents with apprehension and dismay.

We have been given to understand that the Open Basic Education Scheme of NIOS was directed precisely at the below 14 age group in order to address a great anomaly that exists in our education system of lack of quality and meaningful education, particularly where it concerns the marginalised and depressed communities. As you can see we are a centre that caters exclusively to adivasi children and this move of NIOS affects the children totally.

We have 100 adivasi children, all of whom have dropped out or refuse to go to the government schools near their villages, where they are entitled to food three times a day, clothes, residential facility, books, stationery, toiletries that they need. They travel 16 kms every day one way to get to our centre. We provide them with education and nothing else except subsidized books - no food, no no clothes, no stationery. Yet they come.

NIOS has played an important role in providing the structures that have helped us impart quality education to our students. In the context of NIOS's decision to discontinue the OBE Scheme for children within the 6-14 age group, I wish to refer to the words of the Hon'ble Minister Kapil Sibal at the meeting of National Consortium of Open Schools -NCOS - on February 15th, 2010 (refer your website at http://www.nos.org/annualncos.htm):

“Expressing concern over the enormous challenge of reaching out to 15 million learners who are out of school, [Sri Sibal] emphasized on the need to improve the methodology of programmes in the Open Schooling system.
“The Minister said that the option for Open School should be regarded not as a poor alternative but as an effective empowering alternative, by producing high quality delivery materials which also needs to be continuously evaluated by an outside agency. ... He advised the NCOS to evolve a policy through incentives to attract regular schools to embrace the Open Schools to increase its credibility and improve its national acceptance. He also appealed to the NCOS to work out an effective policy to meet the challenge of reaching out to about 15 million learners by the year 2020.” (emphasis mine)

I also want to refer to an article in the `The Hindu', February 11th 2010, `Tangible Targets at School' (available at: http://beta.thehindu.com/opinion/lead/article104610.ece) where according to the EPA Global Monitoring Report (UNESCO) the Education Development Index, placed India at 105 out of 128 countries in the year 2001. The EDI Report for 2010 now places India at exactly the same position -105 – out of 128 countries! This is after 10 years of World Bank funded DPEP and 10 years of Sarva Siksha Abhiyan and over 20,000 crores down the drain. The data states that while the enrollment is 94%, the drop out rate at the primary level is a shocking 34%! “In all probability they drop out without acquiring any level of progress with respect to the basic three R's, contributing to the numbers of out-of-school children, to child labour and to the mass of illiterate population.” (emphasis mine)

Given this situation we are now compelled to put all these children back in the schools from which they dropped out and from which they will drop out again. What happens to them then? As we cannot address this problem they will end up in the mass of illiterate population. Is this what NIOS and the Right to Education Act wants? These matters have to be given sufficient thought. Also, referring back to Sri. Sibal's comments at the recent meeting of the National Consoritium for Open Schooling, it is evident that the recent decision by NIOS to not admit students between ages 6-14 to the OBE Scheme is completely repugnant with matters discussed at such meetings and with the way forward for NIOS suggested by the Honourable Minister himself. Given this, and the fact that the OBE Scheme has been successfully utilised by educationalists for over a decade now, we are completely unable to understand the decision that was communicated to us vide your letter.

This decision has serious adverse implications and we appeal to you to reconsider it.

Yours faithfully,

B. Ramdas

Vocabulary

Almost every year, Indian kids in US seem to be winning the Spelling competition. Some crazy complicated words, these kids will spell them correctly. But, when I was of their age, I knew only Apple, Boy, Cat ... Yellow and Zebra. Nothing more than that. Whatever is the basic minimum required, go with it.

When I was preparing for MBA exams with a couple of friends in the final year of my Engineering graduation, there was on section on vocabulary. We hardly knew any of those English words. So, we started reading the dictionary. One letter for each day, we thought. But, by the time, we came to the letter B, the exams were almost near.

Then, we did a clever calculation. This section has only five marks. If we spend the same time in learning the other 'quanti' stuff, we may be able to get more marks. So, we ditched the dictionary and along with that vocabulary.

So, I can sympathise with this Francis.


But, I continued reading Hindu from college days. I must credit whatever English I know to the Hindu newspaper - not that it is anything great. But, I can 'pass', I guess...

The Stranger - A real life story

This story would have happened in many of our families. A must read.

A while ago, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our small town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around from then on.

As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind, he had a special niche. My parents were complementary instructors: Mom taught me good from evil, and Dad taught me to obey. But the stranger...he was our storyteller. He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with adventures, mysteries and comedies. If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always knew the answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed able to predict the future! He took my family to the first major league ball game. He made me laugh, and he made me cry. The stranger never stopped talking, but Dad didn't seem to mind.

Sometimes, Mom would get up quietly while the rest of us were shushing each other to listen to what he had to say, and she would go to the kitchen for peace and quiet. (I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.)

Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions, but the stranger never felt obligated to honor them. Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our home... Not from us, our friends or any visitors. Our longtime visitor, however, got away with four-letter words that burned my ears and made my dad squirm and my mother blush. My Dad didn't permit the liberal use of alcohol. But the stranger encouraged us to try it on a regular basis. He made cigarettes look cool, cigars manly and pipes distinguished. He talked freely (much too freely!) about sex. His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing.

I now know that my early concepts about relationships were influenced strongly by the stranger. Time after time, he opposed the values of my parents, yet he was seldom rebuked... And NEVER asked to leave.

More than fifty years have passed since the stranger moved in with our family. He has blended right in and is not nearly as fascinating as he was at first. Still, if you could walk into my parents' den today, you would still find him sitting over in his corner, waiting for someone to listen to
him talk and watch him draw his pictures.

His name?.... .. .

We just call him 'TV.'

He has a wife now....We call her 'Computer.'
Their first child is "Cell Phone".
Second child "I Pod"

Deadlines and Modern Day CEOs

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

Douglas Adams

One of the most dangerous occupational hazards in the modern world is the Deadlines. Almost nothing comes without a tag of Most Important or Top Priority. Rumours are that there are bosses who write cryptic notes like "I want it yesterday", "if this isn't in, you are out", "First complete it, you can start it later" or things to that effect.

So, I enjoyed seeing this picture in one of the comics recently. It captures the essence. Well done!


One may think, things will be different in Development sector. In fact, there was a notion that things go rather slow, at our own pace etc. in the NGOs. We are more 'process-oriented' people, you see. No. Not any longer. The deadlines are more stringent (and absurd) in the development sector, than even in Corporate world.

To prove that you do things the way the donor (0r your supporter) wants you, the demands are ever increasing. Quarterly reports, monthly updates, weekly notes. The status reports will soon become Daily Situation Report or something like that. Take a snap at the end of each day and email it to us immediately. By 6.15 everyday, it should have been uploaded.

One might have thought that to work in an NGO you need a noble heart, compassionate thoughts and a determination to work for the underprivileged. That is old fashion. These days, you need a whole lot of qualities to be an effective NGO chap. In one of those frustrating moments, I decided to create an imaginary Chief Functionary of an NGO, whom all funding agencies will love! S/he will be a highly qualified, well-equipped, effective CEO of an NGO.


It will look something like this. Click on the picture above or here to see the full picture.

Do you agree?

Vatican Humour

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.

'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'

'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vaticanwhen I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today.'

'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.

'Who's going to tell?' says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kms. (Remember, the Pope is German.)

'Please slow down, Your Holiness!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

'Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!' moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 205 kph.

'So bust him,' says the Chief.

'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed,' All the more reason!'

'No, I mean really important,' said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, the mayor?'

Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: 'A senator?'

Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: 'The Prime Minister?'

Cop: 'Bigger.'

'Well,' said the Chief, 'who is it?'

Cop: 'I think it's God!'

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think it's God?'

Cop: 'His chauffeur is the Pope!'


Now for the prayer :

Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humour out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.

HRD Managers

Call them in whichever name you want, the manager who is responsible for all other staff in the organisation will necessarily be an evil person. At least, s/he will be perceived so by others. Torn between the demands of the organisation and the personal inclination / interests of the staff, the HRD manager will be a much maligned person.

Traditionally, they were just called Personnel Manager. No Human Resources and Development and all that. Their job is get things done; bully the workers and cut salaries and leave and what not. But, as management developed (as did humanity), we got fancy things like motivation, morale and training and all those sort of things. But, when you get an insecure person in such positions, it is a nightmare for the staff. Whether you are happy or sad, whether you take more initiative or less, you end up as the loser. Take our famous Catbert, the evil director of Human Resources for instance.


Who would have thought of linking happiness with being overpaid? That is Catbert.

Slow Day in Texas

Dilip sent this story to explain how money works. Have read a few different variations of this before, one involving even Charlie Chaplin and a few children. But, this rustic story is nicer.

It's a slow day in a little East Texas town. The sun is beating down, and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

On this particular day a rich tourist from back east is driving through town. He stops at the motel and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.

As soon as the man walks upstairs, the owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer.

The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.

The guy at the Farmer's Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit.

The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner.

The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the rich traveler will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, picks up the $100 bill, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town.

No one produced anything. No one earned anything.

However, the whole town is now out of debt and now looks to the future with a lot more optimism.

Carbon Offset

Carbon Trading or Carbon Offset is one of the clever, but terrible invention of modern man. You can do whatever you want to do, as long as you pay someone else to suffer on behalf of you. That is in essence Carbon Trading. So, western countries can burn as much energy as they need, but they can pay southern countries so that they don't burn energy.

Soon, big countries like India are going to use the same argument between States. Tamilnadu or Punjab can burn energy and pay some of the poor States. Then, we will have within the state trading. Andhra can spend energy and pay Telangana. Vidharba will offset the energy consumed by the rest of Maharashtra.

I dread the days when the logic goes all the way down to a family. I can switch on the light to work on computer, as long as the other room lights are switched off. Or something like that. Here is an illustration of this logic - regarding water use.

Women's Role

The last word on the women's reservation bill is not yet spoken. Mulayam Singh feels that after many years, we will have only women in the parliament and legislatures. Being smarter than men, they will take over everything, he is afraid. Sonia, it seems, asked Lalu if his wife and daughters approve the stand he is taking. Very clever of her.

Many people point out that getting women representatives in legislatures will not change everything for all women in our society. It is a beginning, I guess. So, let us keep such cynics aside and enjoy women's role in politics.

With their keen sense of 'argument', they will outwit men if the proceedings are confined only to talking. Here is an example:

It is Men's Turn

Recently, there was a nice lively debate on the merits of women working, with some people arguing for the values of the 'stay-at-home mom' etc. That article evoked strong reactions from feminists, predictably. But, I liked one essay very much which was titled 'win-win situation' - written by one Tarangini. So, thought of reproducing it in Musings, so that all of you who missed it can have a look.

"I would have given my complete support to the write-up 'stay-at-home Mom', if I had read a fantastic story before, shared by nancy Folbre, a renowned economist, in her famous book The Invisible Heart - Economics and Family Values, which throws light on a very important and often overlooked perspective.

The story is about a running race between three nations, designed by god. This was a contest to see which nation or society, acting as a team, could collectively run the greatest distance in a set period of time. The first prize declared was "health and prosperity for all" for the winning society.


All the citizens of the first nation started to run. Very soon, the young children and the elderly fell behind, but none of the front runners (middle aged men and women) stopped to help them and, gradually, all the front runners grew exhausted and tired. They began to realise that they would lose.

The second nation adopted a slightly different strategy. All the young and energetic men started to run as fast as possible to increase the score and the young and energetic women were requested to come along behind, carrying the children, the sick and the elderly, and caring for any runners who needed help.At first, this seemed to work. But then, it resulted in wide disparity between men and women, undue authority and power of men over the women, etc. Hence, the women went out on a strike as they felt that the work they were doing - caring for the runners and others - was every bit as important as the running itself and that they deserved equal rights. Chaos ensued. Eventually, it became clear that this nation too was losing the race.

The third nation's strategy was different : everyone was required both to run and to take care of those who could not run. both men and women were urged to compete, to run as fast as possible; but the rules required them to carry equal shares of the weight of care. They were making slow but steady progress. Like the hare and tortoise story, they won the race.

I am convinced after reading this story that the real happiness of women and their family is neither in being wholly career-oriented nor in being a stay-at-home mom/dad, but in treading the middle path. Both men and women need to balance both their career and family without compromising each of them.
Women have already proved to be equally good in all fields and now it is men's turn to prove that they can give their shoulders for the caring activity, which still remains in the woman's domain in most of the households. The contribution of men to the family in terms of taking care of the kids and the elderly, education and development, in the kitchen and other household chores need to increase manifold. Society and work/corporate culture need to change and become more family friendly by providing flexible timings for working mothers and working fathers."

In sharing this write-up, I run the risk of getting comments a la 'this is like a smoking doctor telling the patient the ills of tobacco'. But, I have improved reasonably after reading thoughts like this. I hope, I may move a couple of more steps in the right direction. May be, some of you may also...

Computer Gender

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. 'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.' 'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?' Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups - Male & Female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic
   
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won, of course!

Thank God I'm an atheist

Many a times, when I go to the temple and observe the pomp that goes around, I wish God says something to them - especially to the priests. When priesthood becomes a job or an occupation, it loses all the spiritual elements of facilitating a heavenly experience of God.

So, it was wonderful to read this little story sent by Nambi. Here it goes:

In a small town in Southern India, a person decided to open up his liquor business, which was right opposite to the Temple. The Temple & its congregation started a campaign to block the Bar from opening with petitions and prayed daily against his business.

Work progressed. However, when it was almost complete and was about to open a few days later, a strong lightning struck the Bar and it was burnt to the ground. The temple folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, till the Bar owner sued the Temple authorities.


He argued on the grounds that the Temple through its congregation & prayers was ultimately responsible for the demise of his bar shop, either through direct or indirect actions or means. In its reply to the court, the temple vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection that their prayers were reasons to the bar shop's demise.

As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing and commented: 'I don't know how I'm going to decide this case, but it appears from the papers that, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer and we have an entire temple and its devotees that doesn't.'

How do you like this?

Extreme Statistics

I love reading the commentary in Cricinfo. More than the actual proceedings on the ground, the comments by the many bloggers during the match and the heated discussions are wonderful to read. The sense of humour is also terrific.

One amazing thing is the kind of statistics guys roll out about cricket. Read the one given below by one fan after the last one day match on 21st February.

"This must be the only ODI innings in the history where Sachin has scored a single-digit while the rest of the team got away with double digits and no one scoring triple digits."

Can you believe it? How they think of such things! To answer this, another fan again from India posted this question.

Venu from India has a question to stump statsguru: "How many times did all batsmen in an innings become out by losing their wickets "inside 30 yards circle"."

Let me know if you have other such extreme statistics on cricket.

Creative Children

No matter how far our exams are dumbed down, it seems it's not far enough for today's pupils.

But rather than admit defeat in the face of tricky questions, some decide to take a more creative approach to their answers.

Here are a few samples :















Would you have come up with such brilliant answers, howmuchever wrong they are?

Who is my competitor tomorrow?

Nambi sent this wonderful article written by Dr. Y. L. R. Moorthi, a professor at the Indian Institute of Management Bangalore . He is an M.Tech from Indian Institute of Technology, Madras and a post graduate in management from IIM, Bangalore. It is so brilliant that I thought it better to share it with everyone, instead of sending it by mail to only a few.

"Who sells the largest number of cameras in India ?

Your guess is likely to be Sony, Canon or Nikon. Answer is none of the above. The winner is Nokia whose main line of business in India is not cameras but cell phones.

Reason being cameras bundled with cellphones are outselling stand alone cameras. Now, what prevents the cellphone from replacing the camera outright? Nothing at all. One can only hope the Sonys and Canons are taking note.

Try this. Who is the biggest in music business in India ? You think it is HMV Sa-Re-Ga-Ma? Sorry. The answer is Airtel. By selling caller tunes (that play for 30 seconds) Airtel makes more than what music companies make by selling music albums (that run for hours).

Incidentally Airtel is not in music business. It is the mobile service provider with the largest subscriber base in India . That sort of competitor is difficult to detect, even more difficult to beat (by the time you have identified him he has already gone past you). But if you imagine that Nokia and Bharti (Airtel's parent) are breathing easy you can't be farther from truth.

Nokia confessed that they all but missed the smartphone bus. They admit that Apple's Iphone and Google's Android can make life difficult in future. But you never thought Google was a mobile company, did you? If these illustrations mean anything, there is a bigger game unfolding. It is not so much about mobile or music or camera or emails?

The "Mahabharat" (the great Indian epic battle) is about "what is tomorrow's personal digital device"? Will it be a souped up mobile or a palmtop with a telephone? All these are little wars that add up to that big battle. Hiding behind all these wars is a gem of a question – "who is my competitor?"
Once in a while, to intrigue my students I toss a question at them. It says "What Apple did to Sony, Sony did to Kodak, explain?" The smart ones get the answer almost immediately. Sony defined its market as audio (music from the walkman). They never expected an IT company like Apple to encroach into their audio domain. Come to think of it, is it really surprising? Apple as a computer maker has both audio and video capabilities. So what made Sony think he won't compete on pure audio? "Elementary Watson". So also Kodak defined its business as film cameras, Sony defines its businesses as "digital."

In digital camera the two markets perfectly meshed. Kodak was torn between going digital and sacrificing money on camera film or staying with films and getting left behind in digital technology. Left undecided it lost in both. It had to. It did not ask the question "who is my competitor for tomorrow?" The same was true for IBM whose mainframe revenue prevented it from seeing the PC. The same was true of Bill Gates who declared "internet is a fad!" and then turned around to bundle the browser with windows to bury Netscape. The point is not who is today's competitor. Today's competitor is obvious. Tomorrow's is not.

In 2008, who was the toughest competitor to British Airways in India ? Singapore airlines? Better still, Indian airlines? Maybe, but there are better answers. There are competitors that can hurt all these airlines and others not mentioned. The answer is videoconferencing and telepresence services of HP and Cisco. Travel dropped due to recession. Senior IT executives in India and abroad were compelled by their head quarters to use videoconferencing to shrink travel budget. So much so, that the mad scramble for American visas from Indian techies was nowhere in sight in 2008. ( India has a quota of something like 65,000 visas to the U.S. They were going a-begging. Blame it on recession!). So far so good. But to think that the airlines will be back in business post recession is something I would not bet on. In short term yes. In long term a resounding no. Remember, if there is one place where Newton 's law of gravity is applicable besides physics it is in electronic hardware. Between 1977 and 1991 the prices of the now dead VCR (parent of Blue-Ray disc player) crashed to one-third of its original level in India . PC's price dropped from hundreds of thousands of rupees to tens of thousands. If this trend repeats then telepresence prices will also crash. Imagine the fate of airlines then. As it is not many are making money. Then it will surely be RIP!India has two passions. Films and cricket. The two markets were distinctly different. So were the icons. The cricket gods were Sachin and Sehwag. The filmi gods were the Khans (Aamir Khan, Shah Rukh Khan and the other Khans who followed suit). That was, when cricket was fundamentally test cricket or at best 50 over cricket. Then came IPL and the two markets collapsed into one. IPL brought cricket down to 20 overs. Suddenly an IPL match was reduced to the length of a 3 hour movie. Cricket became film's competitor. On the eve of IPL matches movie halls ran empty. Desperate multiplex owners requisitioned the rights for screening IPL matches at movie halls to hang on to the audience. If IPL were to become the mainstay of cricket, as it is likely to be, films have to sequence their releases so as not clash with IPL matches. As far as the audience is concerned both are what in India are called 3 hour "tamasha" (entertainment) . Cricket season might push films out of the market.

Look at the products that vanished from India in the last 20 years. When did you last see a black and white movie? When did you last use a fountain pen? When did you last type on a typewriter? The answer for all the above is "I don't remember!" For some time there was a mild substitute for the typewriter called electronic typewriter that had limited memory. Then came the computer and mowed them all. Today most technologically challenged guys like me use the computer as an upgraded typewriter. Typewriters per se are nowhere to be seen.

One last illustration. 20 years back what were Indians using to wake them up in the morning? The answer is "alarm clock." The alarm clock was a monster made of mechanical springs. It had to be physically keyed every day to keep it running. It made so much noise by way of alarm, that it woke you up and the rest of the colony. Then came quartz clocks which were sleeker. They were much more gentle though still quaintly called "alarms." What do we use today for waking up in the morning? Cellphone! An entire industry of clocks disappeared without warning thanks to cell phones. Big watch companies like Titan were the losers. You never know in which bush your competitor is hiding!
"